Sunday, March 20, 2011


I am officially retiring this blog. You will now find me at

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A long winter can drive a girl crazy!

This winter is driving me insane. The snow, the cold, the sicknesses - I am just over it. Today is the first day that I can feel it (or most of it) coming to the end. The air feel fresh and warmer, the snow is melting, and for the first time in 6 months, I wore open toed shoes. The sickness, on the other hand, has hit us again. The boys are both feeling under the weather, and that causes some seriously cranky fellas wandering around our abode. In the middle of a fit this afternoon, I asked Cody if he felt yucky, and he looked at me with giant crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks, responded, "yeah". Poor babies. Makes this mama blue... This too shall pass, right?

On another note, I feel some big announcements coming soon. No, Mom, I am NOT pregnant. Don't even get that in your head. However, due to some shortfalls in some areas on my life, I am forcing myself to think outside of the box in other areas. Big news to come. Big, scary news. Big, how am I going to do this news. Big, I better start planning now news. Well, maybe it won't seem so big to you, but it seems enormous and wonderful to me.

Monday, March 14, 2011

If this doesn't make a girl feel better when she gets home - nothing will.

My very own no good, terrible, very bad day...

And it's just now half-way through my day. How one day can change it all - from standing tall in confidence to cowering in stress. I have been shaken from my very core today - man, I'm so over-dramatic - but I don't do this day in and day out because I love it. I do it because I have to. When given the thought that change is impending, fear strikes my heart and mind, numbing it to anything else. I can't force my thoughts down a different path, I can't force myself to eat, I can't force myself to talk about how nice the fucking sunshine is.

It could be worse. or at least that's what I keep trying to tell myself in between my "sky is falling" thoughts. I could be losing it all in every aspect of my life. Instead its just some of the threads that are unraveling in my perfectly sewn life. Clarification - my life is not perfect. However, I work tirelessly to make sure that every base is covered, every butt is clean, and every bill is paid. When something is thrown in that I don't expect, things start to unwind. It will be okay - somehow - but until I know the finality and outcome of this damn wrench that has been tossed in, please don't look at me. Don't talk to me. and please. please. please. don't mention how warm it will be this afternoon.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

3 posts rolled into 1...

So, whether it's out of laziness, lack of time, or emotion, I am rolling 3 posts into 1 tonight. Over the past week, I have been on the emotional rollercoaster - being high and happy one moment, and barrelled over by a tidal wave of sadness the next. So, here goes...

Last night, for the first time in years, I hung out with some of my most favorite girls. They have been beside me through difficult times and happy times. These women are full of integrity, love, laughter, and contentment. We spent the evening reminiscing about old times, catching up on their lives now, and laughing.

We had been planning this get-together for months, and had finally settled on a day, time and place. All of a sudden I realized that our night out happened to be on another very important day in my life: Drew's birthday. While he is the best part of me, and the love of my life, I definitely dropped the ball on his 29th birthday. Not only did I have a girls night when I probably should have had a night in with my guy, but I accidentally purchased him a ladies golf bag (purple no less) in a very hurried shopping trip. In my defense, the purple looked like a nice royal blue, and I had a salesman help me buy this ladies bag for my husband's birthday. He was able to exchange it, and got some new clubs to go in the bag, so I think he is happy. Needless to say, I am really going to have to step it up for his big 3-0 next year...

As I was looking at these beautiful pictures of my beautiful friends, I also realized the main reason for my great sadness after 4 years of losing Lynn. Several years before she passed away, she decided to take a trip to Cancun with two of her life-long friends when I was there with my mom and dad. The girls let me tag along during an evening of dinner and dancing. Some nice Mexican gentleman offered to take our picture - for a fee, of course - and we all purchased a copy. I hadn't really thought about it much after arriving home after the vacation, until, that is, I saw the picture hung on her corkboard above her desk when I went to Aspen to help plan her funeral. I quickly realized that this picture meant a lot to her, and since then has become very special to me as well. It was the significant transition from simply being a little sister to being a friend. I miss the chance to talk with her about the joy and frustration of raising two boys, I miss the chance to laugh with her about the latest pop culture mishaps, and I miss the chance to hug her. I have so many memories full of both happiness and sadness - mine alone to cherish.

In the end, it was a hard week. A good week, but hard. I love my friends - the are part of the reason that I am the woman I am today. I love my husband - he puts up with my shit and poignantly helps me through my bad days. I love my sister - still. Even after losing her 4 years ago.