Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Little hands

When Dylan was first born, I didn't feel the immediate connection that so many women gush about. Of course I loved him because he was my child, but I never had the "I will literally hurt you if you cause harm to my child" instinct. Once he started to grow, laugh, and talk, our relationship blossomed into the most wondrous part of my world.

He and I have a special connection. Of course, Daddy is fun, and does fun things with him. But like most children, in the throws of a tantrum, right after a messy fall, or when he wakes from a nightmare, I am the one he reaches for. He touches my face, he plays with my hair, and he is insanely comforting when I am sad, which is a lot in this last, emotional stage of my pregnancy.

Lately, I have read more and more of mothers returning home with their second child feeling deep guilt for "abandoning" their firstborn; what will my perspective be? Will I have more of an instant connection with Cody, because I know and love my relationship with Dylan? Or will I favor Dylan until Cody and I can connect? Either way, I suspect I will feel guilt. I can do some, but not all? How can I balance two babies and the different types of love they will need?

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