So... Last night was a bad one. Cody and I were up most of the night, and most of it he spent crying. Crying so hard, in fact, that I was sure he would wake up this morning with no cry left. I have deduced that he has severe gas and some constipation, which was confirmed by the wonderful nurse practitioner we saw this morning. Drew tried to tell me that he was fine, but I needed to see someone to make sure that there wasn't something wrong with his digestive system. Not only is his belly just fine, he is growing like a weed, and weighed in at 9 and a half pounds buck naked.
In my delirium around 3:00 this morning, after trying more times than I can count to lay him down on his own, I actually wondered if my OB/GYN would make a housecall to tie my tubes... right then... I was sure that she would understand that I didn't want any more children after this struggle, and I was convinced that I could rouse Drew to boil and sanitize any tools that she may need to perform the surgery in my home. Of course, my thoughts were completely irrational - funny now that I think/write about them, but right then, I thought I could make it work.
After some convincing from my mom and my best friend, I laid down for a 3 hour nap this morning, and it made quite a difference. When I woke up, I was actually a version of myself, and could clean, wash dishes, and be attentive to Dylan when he got home from daycare. Anxious to have me to himself, he wanted to play downstairs. So, I set Drew up with the baby and a bottle, and Dylan and I retreated to our basement for a little one-on-one time. After showing me his baseball skills (we have a bat and tee down there), he decided that it was time to snuggle. As I was sitting on the floor, he came over to me, sat down, and said, "baby?" I held him like I did when he was a tiny peanut, and rocked him back and forth. When I asked him if he liked it when I held him like that, he furiously nodded his head up and down. What a sweet boy I have.
As I am sitting on the couch enjoying a few quiet moments with Drew, I am anxiously anticipating the evening and early morning hours with Cody. However, as I think back to the moments of the evening with Dylan, I am reminded that the hard times with Cody help my relationship with him blossom, and he is also my sweet, sweet boy. Visions of those future moments with Cody can pull me through the frustrating and tiring moments that we have now.