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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I am currently going through a vain phase. It started even before Cody was born, and has quickly morphed into a I-Care-About-What-Size-Pants-I-Am-Wearing phase. And while I obviously never dieted while in my pregnancy glow, I had sugar plum dreams every night of going back to the gym and working up a good sweat.

Those dreams quickly became a reality after Cody was born, and I was back on the elliptical every chance I had. Not only that, but I was making serious changes in my diet. Keep in mind that my diet during my pregnancy wasn't too bad, but I occasionally - okay regularly - enjoyed cookies, candy bars, and ice cream. Instead of the Milano cookies in the pantry, I was choosing fruit and salad. Good job me!

Well, that quickly went to shit when I went back to work and was sucked into our cafeteria, which was filled with all of the goodies that I previously guiltlessly enjoyed. The Buffalo Chicken Wrap was calling my name, and I bought a butterfinger candy bar twice... Not so good. I would rationalize my eating choices with thoughts of the workout that I would force myself to endure later in the afternoon. "If I have this candy bar, I will do 10 more minutes of cardio..." I then realized that while I was working my ass of in the gym every day, I was totally killing myself with the food I was ingesting. Goodbye Buffalo Chicken Wrap - Hello Lean Cuisine....

Not only was I noticing that I had to work out harder in order to compensate from the empty calories of a candy bar, but I felt like dog yak at the same time. I honestly have considered doing a colon cleanse routine to rid my system of the toxins that I subject it to - but I am sure that once I felt good, I would make the self-deprecating choice to eat like crap again. So, I work out - and when I don't workout, I think about working out. As I write this, I know that I am sounding like I am on the verge of some sort of eating/health disorder, but the guilt I experience when I don't get to the gym makes me worry that I am going to look in the mirror and find myself in high waisted pants, wearing a sweater covered in cats, sporting an ugly haircut and no makeup, looking like I have totally given up on myself....

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