Pages

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

thoughts....

Today, Cody and I spent the day together. Because Drew has gone back to work, there is no longer another adult in the house. We hung out for a while in the morning and spent the afternoon running errands. The more the hours, minutes, and seconds tick by, I get more and more emotional about leaving him to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I am anxious to get back to work, and I am not able to stay at home, both financially or emotionally. However, Cody is still so little and fragile, that I can only imagine me as his mother to stay at home with him....

We cannot take Cody to daycare until November, so my mom is staying with him. Although I expect she will experience extreme boredom, she is the only person other than Drew that I would want taking care of my infant son. It is extremely comforting to know that someone who truly loves him will be caring for him when I cannot be there, and I know that she will do a wonderful job.

Even though I am totally confindent in my mother's ability to care for and comfort my son, I still yearn to take care of him myself. His sweet little personality and his kissable cheeks make me want to stay at home with him forever. But, that won't be happening. So, I must accept the fact that I am going back to work in less than a week. While a very large part of me wants to stay at home with him, there is a small part of me that wants to get back in the swing of working. I want to be needed by my clients, and get back into our schedule. Drew probably thinks I am extremely crazy by micro-managing our mornings/evenings, but I need to think about those things until I have my first day back under my belt....

I will miss my son, I already miss my husband, and I will miss spending a day in my pajamas. However, I know that I need to work, not only for our household, but more importantly, for me as a person. Thankfully, Cody will adjust to spending time with his loving grandmother, and then after that, spending time with our great daycare provider. I am lucky to have had Drew as a supportive husband and companion during my maternity leave, and I look forward to having other people care for my son as I would want them to.

No comments:

Post a Comment