I like to control things - actually, I like to control everything. When I feel out of control in one aspect of my life, I become super-obsessive girl everywhere else. When I can't get a handle at work, I work tirelessly at home to do all of the dishes, finish the laundry, clean the bathroom... I think you get the drift. I am a control F-R-E-A-K.
As I was driving to work this morning, I wondered why I was so tired. Could it be that I was awake most of the night stressing out about work? Or, when I was asleep, I was dreaming about blogging, knowing full well that I couldn't form words last night despite almost an hour of trying to put together a creative post.
It dawned on me that I can't handle everything all of the time. I fail more times than I would like to admit, and I am not a fan of mediocrity in my own life. Despite my failures, however, I am an incredibly blessed woman. Look at my life: I am part of an incredible marriage, I have 2 beautiful, healthy children, and I have a career that has been recently reinvigorated. I find that I still have the ability to get excited about things in my future, whether personally or professionally, and I am physically healthier than I have been in a very long time.
I started praying. God is the one that has given me all of these gifts, some to manage and some to enjoy. He is the one behind all of my success, contentment, and happiness. How easy it is to forget, however, and automatically assume that I was the one who produced this greatness. My mind quickly shifted to realize that He is in control. I have struggled for years, usually losing the fight, to give up control of my own life to Him. I reason that I can't hear His plan for my life, so I have to take the reins, running my own "destiny". Too bad that I usually run it right into the ground. But, as I am laying in a pool of my own incompetent frustration, I am reminded time after time that God runs the show.
So, today is a new day. Today I will fight my own will and give Him control. Today I will try to live every moment with less stress. Maybe I will fall short - thankfully He will remind me that He is in my corner ready to give me another blessing that I don't deserve.