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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Tears...

Today, I had the unfortunate task of moving Cody's mattress down. again. I wasn't annoyed that I had to do it, and it is a perfectly easy thing to do. I was mad that I had to do it - mad that he is growing up too quickly, and that there isn't a damn thing that I can do about it. He was sitting with me cooing me on with every move that I made, and loved it when I had to toss his blankies from their normal position in his bed to where he was sitting on the floor.

After I moved the mattress down, I tried to put the crib skirt back in, only to find that there wasn't enough room to show the cute fabric any longer. So, I threw it to the side, more consumed with finishing a project than realizing how sad the whole thing was making me. I placed the mattress back in, put a clean sheet on, and placed the bumper back inside of the crib. As I was leaning down to knot those stupid ties that hold the bumper to the side of the crib, I broke down. As the tears were streaming down my face, Cody started to coo louder, and I sat on the floor and wept. Why did I have to do this? He is my sweet baby, and quite honestly, probably the last baby this crib will ever see. He's almost too big for the bumpers, but I am not resigning to that fact yet.

He's pulling himself up, walking with the couch as his safety guide, and eyeing Dylan's sippy cup. He is 10 months old, and shows no signs of stopping. He is getting 2 more teeth and will be eating real food soon. What the hell?

Not only is the baby growing up, but Dylan is at his first Twins' game with Drew at Target Field. Pretty soon, the boys will want to hang out with their dad exclusively - going fishing, Friday night football games, and tossing the baseball in the backyard will seem more appealing than hanging out with Crazy Mommy.

Time is a nasty thing. The hands on the clock keep moving forward, the second hand almost daring me to stop it. What is the true key to enjoying the ride rather than willing and praying for time stand still? How can I possibly slow the shutter speed in real life to capture their innocence and beauty as little people?

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