I am so mad at myself. Can't stand myself at this particular moment. I just plain suck ass sometimes.
My very best friend in the world may be encountering a very exciting and life changing excursion with her family. Because of my insecurities, I shit all over her positivity. Not only did I completely bash her idea, I gave her a million reasons of why I'm scared to start the same excursion with my own family - why? Why do I feel so unspecial that I need to bring other people down with me? Why do I allow my own insecurities to overpower me - make me more focused on the stuff rather than the people in my life? Why do I feel the need to compete with my "stuff" rather than be happy where I - where we - are? Why do I need better "stuff" to become a better person? That's just fucking ridiculous.
As a disclaimer to this post, she didn't do anything to make me feel this way - I managed to have this dysfunctional behavior all on my own.