And it's just now half-way through my day. How one day can change it all - from standing tall in confidence to cowering in stress. I have been shaken from my very core today - man, I'm so over-dramatic - but I don't do this day in and day out because I love it. I do it because I have to. When given the thought that change is impending, fear strikes my heart and mind, numbing it to anything else. I can't force my thoughts down a different path, I can't force myself to eat, I can't force myself to talk about how nice the fucking sunshine is.
It could be worse. or at least that's what I keep trying to tell myself in between my "sky is falling" thoughts. I could be losing it all in every aspect of my life. Instead its just some of the threads that are unraveling in my perfectly sewn life. Clarification - my life is not perfect. However, I work tirelessly to make sure that every base is covered, every butt is clean, and every bill is paid. When something is thrown in that I don't expect, things start to unwind. It will be okay - somehow - but until I know the finality and outcome of this damn wrench that has been tossed in, please don't look at me. Don't talk to me. and please. please. please. don't mention how warm it will be this afternoon.